J (nefertlrl) wrote,

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Uhh...I dunno.....Stuff?

Aww I just spent some time reminiscing and I've decided I really miss the good ol' days. Don't get me wrong: I love that I am (finally) close to being graduated, and there are things about me that I have learned over the past x amount of years, and I've grown and blah and etc., but sometimes it sure would be nice to travel back to maybe 2005. Just for a little bit.

I have been procrastinating all weekend on a really simple paper due for a lower division (my very last!) class. It's on the relationship of self and other, and it is due tomorrow. It's really simple, and had I actually tried somewhat hard, I would probably be done with it by now, but I am so incredibly burnt out on this topic. I man, how many freaking papers do I have to write about this same thing? Seriously. It is every literature teacher's go-to prompt, I swear. But that is lit, I guess. Everybody's gotta make a point about gender/race/religious/class differences. College has really made it near impossible to read anything without imposing some sort of colonial interpretation. I am so excited for next quarter, because there shouldn't be any talk about colonization or the salve trade in the readings I do. I am going to read Dante, which I have actually wanted to read for a while now, and I am taking an Adolescent Lit class, which I am really hoping translates into reading Harry Potter for college credit. Bleh. My head is feeling very swimmy, which might have something to do with the fact that the majority of my sustenance intake today has been in the form of coffee. Or sugar. Or spinach-artichoke dip. Not a terribly great combination for focusing the mind.

My writing has gotten terrible lately. I've been misspelling and typo-ing the crap out words I never have before. I am not sure what is going on, but I fear early-onset Alzheimer's is to blame. Or adult ADD. I think I am going to make an appointment with the doctor and demand extensive testing. I better do this before June, so I can use my health insurance. Who knows what coverage I will have once I graduate...

I've been watching Millionaire Matchmaker lately, and I think if I ever end up single again I am going on that show. The people are so amazingly ridiculous, I think it would be hilarious to interact with them. Or it would be infinitely infuriating. Meh.

Adam got me a Wii last night (or at least, that is when he gave it to me)! It is my Valentine's Birthday Graduation Christmas present and I love it. I bought myself a Wii Fit today and I am going to use the hell out of that thing. I haven't worked out in almost a year; that is just sad.

My family is majorly stressing me out. Things have come to a head again between Cat and Katie and my step-mom...again. Katie got way out of hand with Cat, and I told her to back off, and she told me she hates me. So that's awesome. She told me she doesn't want to have contact with me anymore, which I have agreed to. But ever since this proclamation, she has emailed and texted me weekly, usually just reiterating that same sentiment. I'm not even going to pretend to understand the psychology behind that, and quite frankly I don't care to. I don't need to deal with bullshit drama in my life. Say what you mean and act accordingly. I've had enough of dealing with fake people pretending to keep up relationships that truly never have or no longer exist. Why waste the time? Cat is freaking out because my step-mom is potentially still coming to my graduation. Katie isn't invited, but I don't at this time have an issue with Debbie outside of the usual, so I figure I am not going to make her coming out an issue. But Cat is and it is stressing me out. I swear, I can't have one day. One fucking day. I have worked pretty damn hard to get to this point, and I don't want it to be about anybody but me when I graduate (well, me and the 7,000 + other people graduating). I don't want to deal with my family not being able to get along for a 24 hour period. They better suck it up and be nice or I am going to be pissed. This is a big reason why getting married scares the hell out of me. The wedding will be a holy freaking nightmare.

I hung out with Danielle today. We met up for coffee, and at first I was totally worried it was going to be awkward. Up until today we had only hung out in group settings, and I seem to get nervous with one-on-one these days. With some people it is perfectly fine, but I have noticed that even with close friends sometimes I get, like, social anxiety or something. I worry I am going to clam up and things will be really uncomfortable. Or that I am going to say something really dumb...which, well, that sometimes does happen. Luckily I am also hilarious, so I can smooth those things over. But yeah, yet another thing I need to talk to el doctor about. I am seriously concerned about the well-being of my brain lately. Anyhow, happily the outing went really well (I thought). We conversed easily, and seriously an hour and a half had passed before either of us even realized it. We were supposed to be studying, so I guess that is really the only drawback. We went to a cute little coffee shop in University Heights where they were playing enjoyable jazz versions of 80's songs. It was great. Oh, and I drank an entire cappuccino without adding any sugar! Yay!

Ok, this is a really random entry. I think I am resolved to the fact that this paper is not getting done tonight, and I am just going to have to turn it in late. I have never turned in a paper late before, so I am sure this is going to give me a whole new experience with anxiety. Woo! Alright: Millionaire Matchmaker, shower, then bed. Go!
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