J (nefertlrl) wrote,

What do you know, I'm anxious too...

The butterflies that have taken up residence in my stomach over the past few months are all aflutter this week.  This very important, life changing week.  Shall we list the events?  We shall:

  • I am moving tomorrow
  • Jillian has left for D.C. as of yesterday
  • I took the first steps towards quitting Kreiss, and have started a new, rewarding (?) job at a magazine
  • I've changed my major...again...
As you can see, with the few changes, I am altering a decent portion of my life.  I mean, decent:  my job, my home, my relationships.  Oh, and did I mention I was nearly completely broke?  Much of that stems from a combination of at least two of the three aforementioned goings ons.  Its insane, but I suppose I should be used to it by now.  My life tends to base its rotation on a constant ebb and flow of change.  Mostly, its all at once and decently drastic. 

Oh, and what about my live life, you say?  Well, that's a bit nosy.  But, if I must, well...its interesting.  When isn't it?  Ok, that year when I was single, I guess, but single was pretty interesting in its own right.  Ahem.  Well, Adam and I are...awkward terms, for lack of better phrasing.  There is not doubting that he loves me still, and I know that loving him is probably something I will never cease to do.  However, this does not mean that we are right for each other.  Maybe not right now, maybe not ever.  I am not sure.  But he has been overwhelmingly amazing over the past month and a half.  I say this in comparison to myself, as I know I would never have been as nice to him and as understanding as he has been to and of me.  Which, I guess maybe I suck, then...but I know me.  Tonight we are "celebrating" (again, for lack of better phrasing) our last night living at the same residence by watching Serenity and eating cheap pizza.  We just finished the Firefly series, and he wanted to watch the movie together since we watched the series together.  Yeah...its definitely good I am leaving I think.  The more couple-y type things we continue to do together, the worse its going to be in the end.  I dread how things will be once I leave, though.  Its going to be very difficult.  Not that they haven't been since May, but now it will be in an entirely different way.  To further complicate things (as is appropriate...what is being me without further complications?), there is Kishan.  And that's entirely its own story.  But suffice it to say, my bitty heart has never been so conflicted.  Externally, perhaps it is not showing.  I sometimes feel like the Grinch Who Ruined Everybody's Happy Living Situation (the room was perhaps two sizes too small?).  I feel a bit callous and horrible for "moving on" so quickly.  In ways I have, and in others I have not.  And in so many ways can I explain that very statement, but will spare the details for now. 

Lets just say that, in conclusion,  its just another day in the life of being Jessica: complete with changes, arduousness, and a dash of confusion.  Cheers.
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